Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
