benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
