Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
