if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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