Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
