I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
