nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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