Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
