Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
