Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
