We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dating After Heartbreak
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?