I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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