are you so shy because you have an std?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
