Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
