im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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