I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
