he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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