Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
