There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
