This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
