it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She bit a glass in half.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
