Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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