is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
