But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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