I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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