Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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