Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
