So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
