But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
