He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
