I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
