apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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