Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize