the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
