This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
