this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
