she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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