I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
