This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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