Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
