We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
