For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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