Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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