If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
