We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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