I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize