he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
