In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
