I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
