weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
