What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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