Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
