when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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