Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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