I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
