Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we should paint friendship bongs
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