I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
