I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car