I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!