I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
