Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky