I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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