HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We need a shit load of segways right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
