please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
