Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
50% drunk capacity currently
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
