upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
