I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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